Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
