That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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