New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
