Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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