I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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