Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize