so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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