my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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