she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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