When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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