I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
