Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
