I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
