her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
