words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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