smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
