No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
