Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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