Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
