he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
