Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
only you would photoshop your dick
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
