I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
