He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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