wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
