I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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