Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
