Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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