haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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