Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
