I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
