Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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