from now on my penis is your penis
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
