its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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