someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
