Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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