i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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