I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
