Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
