I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
