I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the day after is always just damage control
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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