i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
