Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
