look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize