We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Alive.
So much puke
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
