I wanna bring you to show and tell
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
