The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
