So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
