Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize