I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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