Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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