He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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