woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize