We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
