I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
