i just wanna soil my oats bro
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
