also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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