sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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