I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
