Can i not drive my cunt home
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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