i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can text with my tongue
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
