My friends, they love my intelligence
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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