mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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