U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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