You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize