No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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