If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
