do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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