Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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