But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
