home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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