is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I touched a dick in church today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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