I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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