Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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