Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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