Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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