hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
