I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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