Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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