So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
