she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
