Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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