Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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