i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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