No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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