I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
