dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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