So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
