Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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