could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
