whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
