I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize