I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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