so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize