A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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