sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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