There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
