dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were trust falling into bushes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
