You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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