I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
