I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
