we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize